A pirate walks into a bar. He has the helm of a ship sticking out of his pants. The bartender very timidly asks him if he would like a drink. ""Arrrgh I'll have a pint of grog!"" The bartender gets him his drink, and everyone in the bar starts to whisper to each other about the pirate. After his third glass of grog, the bartender walks up to the pirate and says, ""hey buddy, everybody is wondering, what's with the steering wheel sticking out your pants?"" ""Arrrgh its me wife. She's been driving…

a boy decided to tell a joke .... a little boy decided to tell a joke to his friends. he wonders how they will react. he goes to the first friend. ""hey jim!"" says the boy. ""what do you call a black pirate?"" ""i don't know."" says jim. ""a NIIG- AAAAAAR!!!!"" says the boy. he goes up to the second friend, and the same thing happens over and over. then he goes to the last friend, sara beth. ""sara beth!"" says the boy. ""what do you call a black pirate?"" sara beth looks at him and says "" a p…

Wife: We need to go to the store. We're out of milk. Me: We can wait a few days. Wife: We're out of beer. Me: *dives in the car*

My wife and I have been dieting together for a week so it'd probably be safer for me to come home smelling like perfume than a Snickers bar.