How many journalists does it take to change a light bulb? ""We just report the facts we don't change them."" Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness and one to win a Pulitzer prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a light bulb assassin to break the bulb in the first place.

Mitt Romney has decided not to run for president. In other news, I have decided not to become a billionaire or play in the NBA.

On a positive note, once Trump becomes president and burns the world to the ground, our student loan debt is essentially wiped clean

I applied for a loan from the U.S. Government, but was turned down because I had a legitimate repayment plan