After i heard the the one about Abe and his wife trying to poison him... I remembered this one. A Polish man from Chicago married a Wisconsin girl after he had been in the states a year or so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him "very quick." The lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions: LAWYER: Have you any grounds? POLE: JA, JA, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms. LAWYER "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?" POLE: "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," he responded. LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?" POLE: "No," he replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." LAWYER "I mean, what are your relations like?" POLE: "All my relations are in Poland." LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?" POLE: "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." LAWYER: " No, I mean does your wife beat you up?" POLE: NO: " I'm always up before her." LAWYER: " WHY do you want this divorce?" POLE: "SHE going to kill me." LAWYER: "What makes you think that?" POLE: "I got proof." LAWYER: "What kind of proof?" POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read - it says, "Polish Remover."