A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.

It's a hard life. Very long but a goodun: There once was a large large city and within this large large city was a large large park, within this there was a large large lake. By the shore of this stood a normal sized bench; on it their lived a hobo. This unfortunate gentleman lived their 365 days a year come rain or shine doing his best to get buy feasting on the pigeons and rats of the park whilst begging to support his addiction to drinking bleach. It is winter; our poor friend has just awoken…

Three of my favorite bar jokes. Kinda old probably. 1. Horse walks into a bar and the bar tender ask "" why the long face"" 2. Horse walks into a bar and orders a martini bar tender brings him one and starts to walk away. The horse says wait can I please have a olive in this. Bartender puts a olive in and the horse drinks it and eats the olive orders another martini and the bartender starts to walk away and the horse says wait can I have a olive please bartender plops a olive in and the horse dr…

A horse is watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says ""that looks amazing, I want to do that!"" The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. ""Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar."" Says the horse. ""Sure,"" says the man on the phone. ""Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."" ""There's just one problem,"" says the horse. ""I'm a horse."" ""Not to worry,"" the man says. ""We have new state of the art tec…