His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already... Woman: Did you just quote Eminem? Doctor: Your husband's alcohol poisoning is not a joke, madam!

Therapist: Problem? Me: I always quote Eminem lyrics. T: Explain? M: I can't tell you what it really is,I can only tell u what it feels like

Why do you make more money? A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?" The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is…

So a woman walks out of a doctor's office and she stops at the door, looks back at the doctor and says : - What was it again ? Sagittarius, Capricorn ? - No ma'am, CANCER !