You also need a potato... So Bob dies and goes to heaven, but before he can get in, he's stopped by St. Peter, who has a few questions. ""All right Bob,"" says Peter, ""first off, on what grounds are you applying for admission to heaven?"" ""Well, sir,"" says Bob, ""I was kind of relying on Jesus to help me out there..."" ""Ah, excellent,"" says Peter. ""Now let me see... ah, that lets us skip over questions 2 through 14... now, on to question 15... Do you like mashed potatoes?"" ""Mashed potato…

A man dies and goes to heaven... St. Peter welcomes him and shows him many many clocks. ""There is a clock for every person on the Earth"" says St. Peter ""The hand moves a bit if the person lies. We even have all the politicians here. Obama, Bush and Trump."" ""And where is Hilary Clinton's clock?"" Asks the man. Peter answers: ""It's in my office, I use it as a fan.""

A man dies in a car accident, and goes to Heaven When he walks past the Pearly Gates, he is greeted by St. Peter, and they walk into a house together. The man sees a wall with a bunch of clocks on it. He asks, ""What are all those clocks doing there?"" Peter replies, ""Those are *Lie Clocks*. Every time someone lies, the clock ticks once."" The man looks at his clock, and it reads about 1:15. After looking at all the clocks, he says, ""Uh, sir? Just asking, but where is Hillary Clinton's clock?"…

Heavens a bit full this week.... God calls St Peter to his office and tells him that heaven is getting pretty full today and that only people with unfair or horrible deaths can be allowed in. So, St Peter returns to the Pearly Gates, stands on his podium and he calls out ""all those that died an unfair or horrible death please form an orderly line here, the rest of you. Hell is through that door"" Peter then heads to the front of the queue and asks the man ""how did you die?"" The man replies ""…