"Sir, I need to ask you to please stop spanking your monkey. This is a bank." "Fine, but I'm never coming here again. Come on, George."

Patty the Irishman was drinking at his favorite watering hole... When George the bartender looked up, ""Patty it's closing time, get yer ass home Elaine is going to have your head!"" ""Oh I know, I know."" Patty got up, and immediately fell down. He crawled to the door, pulled himself up on the handle and fell through the door to the sidewalk outside. He made it to a parking meter and pulled himself up again, the whole way home Patty kept falling and getting back up. He finally made it home, he …

An old couple went to heaven After spending 60 years being married. When they reach the pearly gates, St George greets them and says, ""Welcome! Let me show you what we have."" The saint leads the couple to a massive golf course and a huge golf club, with premium equipment. ""You'll never find anywhere better!"" George said. Looking at this, the woman was overjoyed, but the man seemed slightly angry. Then the saint showed them an extremely long buffet table. ""You can find any food in the world …

3 Scientists, an Elephant and a Monkey Try to picture the monkey as curious george. 3 scientists were sitting around the lab getting drunk one day when one turned to the others and asked, ""What would happen if we put a giant cork up an elephants butt for a month?"" Well none of them knew for certain so they decided to try it out. They gathered an elephant and a giant cork together in a cage. The first scientist said, ""I'm not putting the cork up there."" The second scientist said, ""I'm not pu…