If Donald Trump becomes president, we could finally out-crazy North Korea.

Interestingly, if we invade North Korea because it caused us to miss a movie, that still won't be the worst reason we ever went to war.

In my doctor's waiting room, I explained to a WWII veteran what a Twitter follower count is. I think he regrets winning the war now.

You know yer addicted to twitter when you count letters in the surgeon general's warning on the vodka bottle & think "Yeah, that would fit."