"Sir, I need to ask you to please stop spanking your monkey. This is a bank." "Fine, but I'm never coming here again. Come on, George."

Patty the Irishman was drinking at his favorite watering hole... When George the bartender looked up, ""Patty it's closing time, get yer ass home Elaine is going to have your head!"" ""Oh I know, I know."" Patty got up, and immediately fell down. He crawled to the door, pulled himself up on the handle and fell through the door to the sidewalk outside. He made it to a parking meter and pulled himself up again, the whole way home Patty kept falling and getting back up. He finally made it home, he …

3 Scientists, an Elephant and a Monkey Try to picture the monkey as curious george. 3 scientists were sitting around the lab getting drunk one day when one turned to the others and asked, ""What would happen if we put a giant cork up an elephants butt for a month?"" Well none of them knew for certain so they decided to try it out. They gathered an elephant and a giant cork together in a cage. The first scientist said, ""I'm not putting the cork up there."" The second scientist said, ""I'm not pu…

Watch what you eat The old lady put 6 cans of dog food on the supermarket conveyer belt, and began digging in her purse for her coupon. The cashier was the friendly sort, and struck up a conversation. ""So, what kind of dog do you have?"" ""Well,"" the old lady answered in a hushed tone, ""I don't really have a dog. With the price of meat these days, I've figured out that I can make some good, cheap casseroles using dog food. My husband doesn't seem to know the difference, so I'm saving a lot of…