Mah Dearest Emma, War on Christmas is hell. This morn, I saw 7 elves stabbed with 1 menorah. I fear this nog soaked yuletide may nevah end.

Kids go as the devil and bigfoot on Halloween all the time, but I go as a pedophile and suddenly I'm a weirdo.

Guy on fb posted a picture of his baby w/ the caption "1st Easter!" Hell no, there have been like 2000, we're not starting over just for him

Hey kids, for Halloween, let's go to a spooooky place full of scaaaary, oppressive people & a guy who riiiises from the dead! Kids: Church?