A man's wife gave birth to his first son. After the delivery, the nurse comes out to him. Nurse: Congratulations! Its a boy! New Dad: I'm so excited! Im going to be the best dad ever! Nurse: that's great to hear.. Unfortunately, i have some bad news. Your son was born with no limbs.. Just the body and a head. New Dad: WTF?!......... DOESNT MATTER! Im still going to take care of him. Nurse: you should've let me finish.. i have some more news about your son. New Dad: Nurse: actually the body is al…

A priest and his 3 sons. A priest comes home to his 3 sons. He asks the first son ""Son, have you sinned today?"" The son says ""Yes Father I hit someone"" The priest says ""Go drink from the Holy Water."" He asks the second son if he has sinned, the second son responds ""Yes father I swore"" The priest says "" Go drink from the Holy Water."" The priest asks the final son, ""Son, have you sinned today?"" The boy says "" Yes I pissed in the Holy Water."" *If this has been posted before, sorry*

A father puts a gold watch in one son's stocking and a pile of manure in the other son's... The first son brings the watch to his father and with a worried face says, "dad I'm not sure what to do with this watch, it's fragile, and small, and I don't really wear watches. I don't like it." The father wasn't surprised by his son's reaction because he typically has a poor perspective on things. Minutes later, the second son, who had a stocking full of manure, comes running to his father with e…

Retirement Home A woman moves to a retirement home. Her sons each decide to give her a nice gift as a token of their gratitude. “I will buy a Ferrari for mom,” the oldest says, “at least half a million dollars worth, so she can enjoy a nice drive.” “I'll buy her a luxurious villa with a downstairs sleep and bath room,” says the second, “that way she can live independently again.” “I am buying her a million-dollar parrot,” the third one says, “unique in its kind, one that can talk like the be…