I don't care what the FBI says, America's most wanted still sounds like an honor.

It's not called "Laura the Explorer" because if a little white girl gets lost in the woods, CNN shows up with the FBI.

FBI: If you testify you'll have to go into the Witness Protection Program ME: I'll do it FBI: Your wife and kids too ME: Oh ok never mind

FBI: I can't unlock my phone Genius: is that a fake mustache over your mustache? FBI into earpiece: Operation Twostache has been compromised