Wine Taster! At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A retired Marine A-4 pilot drunk and with a ragged dirty look came to apply for the position. The director wondered how to send him away. They gave him a glass to drink. The old pilot tried it and said, "It's a Muscat three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable." "That's correct", said the boss. "Another glass, please…

An old drunk was wandering around an airport terminal with tears streaming down his face. "What's the problem?" asked an airline employee. "I've lost all my luggage," sobbed the drunk. "How did that happen?" "The cork fell out."

A cash bar on parent / teacher interview nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.

*16 calls me at office* 16: Are you stopping at the grocery store tonight? Me: No 16: You're out of beer Me: Ok I will, what do you want?