Do you deliver? A man rings up his local Indian restaurant and asks, "Do you deliver?" And the man at the other end of the phone replies, "Nah mate. Just beef, chicken and lamb."

On the phone to the chinese food place & my cat's all chatty... I cover the receiver and hiss "Shhh, you want them to hear you?"

Can any of you read your Chinese food bill? Looks like they charged me for a chicken lo-mein, a python, Africa, and a diet Coke.

A Couple On Their Honeymoon A couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed and just about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband: ""I have a confession to make - I'm not a virgin."" The husband replies, ""That's no big thing in this day and age."" The wife continues, ""Yea... I've been with one guy."" ""Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"" ""Tiger Woods."" ""Tiger Woods the golfer?"" ""Yeah."" ""Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with h…