Can any of you read your Chinese food bill? Looks like they charged me for a chicken lo-mein, a python, Africa, and a diet Coke.

A Couple On Their Honeymoon A couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed and just about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband: ""I have a confession to make - I'm not a virgin."" The husband replies, ""That's no big thing in this day and age."" The wife continues, ""Yea... I've been with one guy."" ""Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"" ""Tiger Woods."" ""Tiger Woods the golfer?"" ""Yeah."" ""Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with h…

20 Things to do Before You Die... 1) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout ""OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!"" 2) Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say 'we've been expecting you.' 3) Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look them in the eyes and deadpan 'with great power, comes great responsibility.' Walk away. 4) Call someone to tell them you can't talk right now. 5) Point at someone and shou…

Texas, wilderness, deer... with phones [long] A couple live in Texas. The wife always persists the husband to go hunting because they she doesn't want them to waste money when they have food in their backyard. One day, he sees a dear and thinks he would probably be able to get the deer and get some fair meat out of him. Before he shoots the deer disappears and the husband follows. Once deep in the forest, the deer turns to face the husband but the husband gets a fair shot. The deer runs away tho…