The NSA has been tracking phone records for Verizon customers. They skipped AT&T because those people can't complete calls.

Job interview with the NSA Applicant: Would you like references? NSA: We have everything we need. App: You guys! NSA: I know, right!

That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.

Computer backup systems are expensive so I include "Death To America" in my email signature & the NSA backs up everything I've ever written.