The NSA has been tracking phone records for Verizon customers. They skipped AT&T because those people can't complete calls.

Job interview with the NSA Applicant: Would you like references? NSA: We have everything we need. App: You guys! NSA: I know, right!

"..,you will die in seven days" *creepy voice on the phone* Me; "new phone, who dis?"

Phone rang for the 1st time in 4 months. My reaction was similar to finding a dead mouse on my porch. I circled it & poked it with a stick.