😄 That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.

*wife looks through my phone *divorces me 8 times

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Just tore seven ligaments trying to avoid being handed the phone by my wife.

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My wife and I found each other on a dating website.........3 years after we got married. That was awkward.

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Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on? Stop talking in secret code.

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