Mitt Romney has decided not to run for president. In other news, I have decided not to become a billionaire or play in the NBA.

A plane is about to crash, there are 4 passengers and only 3 parachutes... The first passenger, Steph Curry, says ""I am the best player in the NBA! The Warriors and my fans need me!"" and jumps out with the first pack. The second passenger, Donald Trump, says ""I am the most respected and intelligent US president in history! My country needs me!"" and jumps out with the second pack. The third passenger, the Pope, turns to the fourth passenger, a little boy, and says ""My son, I don't have many …

What do the NBA and the presidential election have in common? There's only two candidates, and nobody wants either of them to win!

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography. Homophobia is God's way of teaching us the names of Republican governors.