Mitt Romney has decided not to run for president. In other news, I have decided not to become a billionaire or play in the NBA.

A plane is about to crash, there are 4 passengers and only 3 parachutes... The first passenger, Steph Curry, says ""I am the best player in the NBA! The Warriors and my fans need me!"" and jumps out with the first pack. The second passenger, Donald Trump, says ""I am the most respected and intelligent US president in history! My country needs me!"" and jumps out with the second pack. The third passenger, the Pope, turns to the fourth passenger, a little boy, and says ""My son, I don't have many …

How many Canadians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Twelve. Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve the problem, one Francophone to complain that I didn't translate this joke into French, one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians have been overlooked, one woman from the National Action Committee On the Status Of Women to say that women have been underrepresented in the process, one to go over the border to the Niagara Falls Factory Ou…

How can we be sure the government wasn't involved in the Kennedy assassination? Well he's dead, isn't he? (Adapted from Neil Gaiman's *American Gods*)