THERAPIST: what's wrong? WIFE: he speaks in typos ME: EVERYTHING IS JUST FIND BRENDA! THERAPIST: ok maybe we should take 5 ME: food idea

How do you get a hippie off your door step? Pay for the pizza and close the door.

Who the hell names food anyway? I recently started a new job and soon realized that some crazy fool was giving names to all of the food in the break room refrigerator. Today I had a tuna sandwich named 'Bob'.

Just some funny one-liners 1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back. 3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. 4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. 5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. 6. Never answer an anonymous letter. 7. It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better. 8. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 9. Always go to …