The woman was sent the following letter from her local Walmart. Dear Mrs. Woolf, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are ""documented by our video surveillance cameras"": 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: S…

Why you shouldn't take your husband shopping After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target. Dear Mrs. Samuel, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and ha…

A wife said to her husband: "Do you want to go and see the new Madonna movie tonight?" "I'm a little tired, honey," he replied. "How about we go tomorrow night?" "Are you kidding?" said the wife. "This is a Madonna movie we're talking about. It might not be on tomorrow!" Madonna gives millions to charity, she's done lots of benefits, given a lot of money away. Her greatest gift, of course, to mankind is that she's promised never to do another movie. Craig Ferguson

I'm off to the store got your wallet? yes you sure? YES *hour later wife turns on news and I'm being chased by 6 cop cars and a helicopter*