Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place. ""It's just too hot to wear clothes today"" complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. ""Honey what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"" ""Probably that I married you for your money.""

A married couple were enjoying a luxury South Sea cruise until their liner was shipwrecked and they were washed ashore on a desert island, the only survivors. Day after day, they looked hopefully out to sea in the hope of spotting a passing vessel but none came. As boredom set in, they started to think about their home back in Arizona. The wife asked: "Did you remember to pay the final instalment on the Chevrolet before we came away?" "No, honey, I clean forgot. Sorry." "Did you remember to pay …

I'm off to the store got your wallet? yes you sure? YES *hour later wife turns on news and I'm being chased by 6 cop cars and a helicopter*

My neighbor gave my kid a whistle today. He is survived by his wife Linda. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to my bail money fund.