Simon Peter Jokes

[NSFW] The best joke ever told to me by a priest. On the day of the Crucifixion, Jesus was on the Cross, surrounded by a ring of legionaires, while his follows stood just outside the range of their spears. Among them is Simon Peter, Rock of the Church. Faintly on the wind, Simon Peter hears his Master's voice. ""Peter, Peter..."" heedless of the danger, he rushed forward, shouting, ""I'm coming, my Lord!"" But alas, he was grabbed by the soldiers, had his arms chopped off, and was thrown back to…

The pope dies... The pope dies and stands now in front of Simon Peter. Peter asks: Who are you? The pope answers: You don't know me? I am the pope, gods representative on earth! To what peter replies:W ait a second, i'll just ask him. Several minutes pass and Peter returns, not with god, but with Jesus. The three talk and after everything is cleared Jesus goes back to god who wants to know what's the matter. Jesus says: Remember that little fishing club i founded 2000 years back? It still exists…

Peter means ""Rock"" (John 21:3-9) Now some of the had gone down to the Sea of Galilee to fish, and there they saw THE LORD, but they did not recognize him. And he said unto them, ""Friends, have you caught any fish yet?"" And they answered him, ""No, not yet, Sir."" Then he said unto them, ""Cast your net on the other side of the boat."" And they did so, and when they pulled up their net, their was a great draught of fish - 153 of them in all. Then Simon Peter said, ""I will go an prepare some …