Sheila Jokes

*angrily whispering over crib* "Sheila you know I was raised by wolves. I have to pay it forward." "But why do they need their own cribs?"

4 out of 5 dentists agree my cousin Sheila is remarkably ugly.

The Wedding Dress The wedding day was fast approaching. Everything was ready, and nothing could dampen Jennifer's excitement, not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother, Sheila, had found the perfect dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn her father's new young wife, Barb, had purchased the exact same dress! She asked Barb to exchange the dress, but Barb refused. ""Absolutely not! I'm wearing this dress. I look lik…

Sheila shows up to work one day, in tears and looking for comfort. The only person in the office that morning is John, not ideal, but Sheila carries on anyway. She relays her story to him: ""I left for work this morning, leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled, about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with the neighbor's daughter! When I confronted him, he broke down and adm…

Jewish Elderly Couple On Vacation Bob and Sheila, and elderly Jewish couple were on their way to the Bahamas on vacation when, while at 36,000 ft they hear a large bang, then the plane loses a couple hundred feet. ""What the hell was that?!"" Sheila asks Bob. ""I dont know, feels like we hit something"", he replies. Then, a minute later, the captain comes on the monitor. ""Attention everyone, I am sure you felt the bump a minute ago. We had an engine failure, causing damage to the wing and are n…

Why men don't write advice columns... Dear Walter, I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbours daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbours daughter is 22. We have been marri…

Men's Helpline for Women Dear John, I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV.  My car stalled, and then it broke down about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with our neighbor's daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbor's daughter is 19.  We have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him, he broke down…

The Aussie House Wife Sheila

Sheila shows up to work one day in tears and looking for comfort.