Nigel Jokes

ME: My name is Nigel and I'm an alcoholic. AA GROUP: Hi Nigel. *cut to confessional camera* ME: I'm here to WIN, not to make friends.

A parrot named Nigel leaves home and returns home,4 years later, speaking Spanish It's pretty common, all the language majors I knew moved back in with their parents too.

What's Nigel Thornberry's favorite band? The Smashing Pumpkins.

What's Nigel Farage's favourite Christmas song? I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.

I saw some black kids spray painting their names on a wall and decided to join in. I'd only done the first three letters of my name when they started beating the shit out of me. They obviously don't like people called Nigel.

""I didn't see you in church last Sunday Nigel. I hear you were out playing football instead."" ""That's not true vicar. And I've got the fish to prove it!""

I saw two black kids spraying their names on a wall today. I decided to join them. I'd only sprayed the first three letters of my name when they started to beat me up. Maybe they don't like people called Nigel.

An English aristocrat answered the phone in his stately home. The voice on the other end said: "Hello, Nigel, this is Hermione. We met at a party three months ago." "Hermione? Three months ago?" "Yes, it was at Clive's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked the Merc and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport." "Oh, yes! Hermione! How are you?" "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself!" "I say! You are a good sport!"

Two gay men – Derek and Nigel – went to a fairground. Derek said he wanted to go on the Ferris wheel but Nigel said he had a sore butt so he declined. The wheel went round and round, but then suddenly the cart Derek was sitting in crashed to the ground, landing near Nigel's feet. "Are you hurt?" asked Nigel, rushing over to his friend. "Of course I am," snapped Derek. "Three times I went round and you didn't wave once!"