Mrs Smith Jokes

A woman's doctor prescribes her testosterone ...for better bone density, libido, and mood. The woman is a bit dubious, but readily follows the doctor's orders. A few days later, the doctor gets a call from the woman. "How are you feeling, Mrs. Smith?" he asks. She replies, "Oh, just wonderful. I am noticing a positive change on these hormones. I *am* suffering from a little extra hair growth, though." "Oh, a little extra hair is perfectly normal when on a testosterone course," the doctor say…

Leaving a Light On An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. "Mr. Smith, you’re in great shape," says the doctor afterward. "How do you do it?" "Well," says Mr. Smith, "I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and the good Lord looks out for me. For weeks now, every time I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he turns the light on for me." Concerned, the doctor finds Mrs. Smith in the waiting room and tells her what her husband said. "I don’t think that’s anything to worry about," she s…

Surrogate Father The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am,' he said, 'I've come to...' 'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've b…

The Smiths invite the Jones' over for dinner... After dinner, Mrs. Smith is cleaning dishes in the kitchen while Mr. Smith entertains their guests. He begins to tell them about a great restaurant that he recently went to with his wife, but can't remember the name of the establishment. Mr. Smith: "The food was amazing, great service, but I can't recall the name! Help me out... what's that red flower, it's really fragrant, and people give them out on Valentine's Day?" The Jones': "You mean a r…

The phone rings... ...and the lady of the house answers. "Hello." "May I speak with Mrs. Smith please." "Speaking." "Mrs. Smith, this is Doctor Kent at Metro Labs. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, we also received a biopsy from another Mr. Smith as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good." "What do you mean?" Mrs. Smith asks nervously. "Well, one of the specimens tested positive for …

Mrs. Smith walks into a pharmacy and asks to buy poison 'Dear lady, why would you want to buy poison?' asks the pharmacist. 'To kill my husband!' 'I can't sell you poison so you can kill someone!' As an answer to that, Mrs. Smith puts a picture on the counter where one can clearly see a man and a woman in bed. The man in question is Mrs. Smith's husband, while the woman is the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist picks up the picture and nods: 'Excuse my mistake, I didn't know you had a prescr…

A woman opened her door to see two policeman standing there. "Mrs Smith? I'm afraid that Inhave some bad news for you? Your husband was at work, at the brewery, and it seemed that he fell into one of the cats of beer and drowned." Mrs Smith fell to her knees, clutching at her chest. "Tell me, officers, did he suffer at all?" "We don't think so, Ma'am. He got out five times so that he could pee." EDIT: By the time I checked the post to see everyone complaining about the typo there were too m…

A woman gets a phone call from the brewery where her husband works. “Mrs Smith, there was a terrible accident, your husband fell inside one of the big beer vats and drowned…” Mrs Smith bursts in tears, the person on the other side of the line tries to alleviate her grief “You know, your husband didn’t suffer” “Drowning is a horrible way to die! How do you know?” “We know, the cameras show that he went 3 times to the bathrooms”

Making babies The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, he said, "I've come to..." "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been ex…

Car Crash I crashed my car between two houses today. Mr and Mrs Ball live in the left house and Mr and Mrs Smith live in the right house....

Woman receives a phone call from local hospital... ""Hello Mrs Smith

Mrs. Smith walks into a pharmacy and asks to buy poison 'Dear lady

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills." Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?" The woman said, "I put them in…