First Guy Jokes

Two business-types go drinking after work.. First guy says to the second ""Man, I cannot get shit-faced tonight, my wife will kill me"". They start off with beers, move on to mixed drinks and next thing you know, they're pounding tequila shots. First guy has had enough, runs to the bathroom and promptly pukes all over the place. He comes back and tells the second guy ""I gottssa go home, I puked all over my shoess and pantss"". Second guy has a brilliant plan ""Hey man, just take a $20, fold it …

Two guys are walking down the street when they see a dog licking its own nuts... First guy says, ""I wish I could do that"" The other replies, ""you should try petting him first""

Two guys walking their dogs see a bar across the street... ""Man a beer would be delicious right about now"" says one. His friend says, ""But there's a sign in the window - 'NO DOGS ALLOWED'."" First guy says, ""No problem - watch this"", puts on a pair of sunglasses and walks in to the bar. Second guy watches him go in and be seated by the bartender who brings him a frosty pint. He thinks ""good idea!"" and does the same - until the bartender sees him and says ""HEY! The sign says NO DOGS ALLOW…

Two guys are drinking at the country club bar... First guy says, ""Hey, you want to go play some golf?"" Second guy says, ""No, not today."" ""Why not?"" ""Because I never drink and drive.""