Daves Jokes

Dave was bragging to his boss one day "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.” Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?” “No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door and Tom Cruise shouts, “Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer! Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still sceptical. After…

Dave loved tractors Dave loved tractors. And by loved, I mean REALLY loved. He owned loads of tractors, he was subscribed to all the tractor magazines, he had posters of tractors all over his walls and he spent all his free time at the local tractor museum. Like I said, he really loved tractors. Sadly, he was also very lonely. Then one day, whilst visiting the tractor museum, he spotted a beautiful woman staring at a beautiful Fordson Major on display, and he decided to pluck up the courage t…

500 dollars Dave, Carl and Carl's wife, sara were playing cards on Thursday morning. Dave's card fell under the table and when he went down to get it, he saw that Sara was not wearing underwear. Dave got back up and went to kitchen to get some refreshment. Sara followed her into the kitchen and asked, "did you like what you saw under there?". Shocked by her boldness, Dace hesitantly replied positively. Sara then said, "you can have it but it costs $500" Dave agreed to pay that sum for it. S…

Bill was a clerk in a small drugstore, ...........but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Dave, the owner, had had about enough and warned Bill that the next sale he missed would be his last. Just then a man came in coughing and asked Bill for their best cough syrup. Try as he might, Bill could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Dave's warning, he sold the man a box of laxatives and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as Bill said, t…

Wrote my second joke ever, would like some feedback Three lumberjacks; Sam, Dave, and Ben; are felling trees when a bear approaches them. Sam says "stay back or we'll kill you with our axes!" The bear responds, "woah! I'm a proud vegetarian. I just wanted to offer you all a nicely cooked dinner since you've all been working so hard and are probably hungry." The three lumberjacks agree since none of them like to cook. After eating a nice vegetarian dinner with the bear at their campsite, the…

Infamous Dave Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!" Although impressed, Dave's boss is stil…

Little Johnny discovers a lamp when cleaning Dave's house It was quite dusty so little johnny decided to give it a rub.

Jake goes to an auction and bids the highest on Dave's painting of a Horse eating grass. The painting is to be delivered to Jake's house by next day.

Did you know people are getting paid to mention products in their Facebook statuses? That’s as crazy as the discounts at Dave’s Furniture Emporium…