Bill So Jokes

Twenty Dollars A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in. ""Damn,"" he says. ""I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she's gonna kill me."" ""Not to worry,"" says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk's pocket. ""Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill."" So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. ""Why…

This is a story about a man Well it made me laugh. Courtesy of the late Clement Freud: This is a story about a man. His wife has told him that if he ever comes home drunk she will leave him. Nonetheless he goes out. He drinks a lot and throws up all over himself. He turns to his friend and asks what he can do. His friend is helpful. ""Go home,"" he says. ""Tell your wife someone threw up on you. And put a twenty pound note inside your jacket pocket. Show her the money and tell her the other man …

The genius drunkard A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), ""bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."" So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $37.00. The drunk says, ""I haven't got it."" The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then threw him out into the street. The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), ""Bartender, buy everyone in …

Two guys are getting really drunk at a bar... ...and one of them proceeds to vomit all over his own shirt. He says to his friend, ""Aww man. My wife is going to kill me. She's going to be so pissed that I got so drunk tonight."" His friend says, ""Don't worry I have a plan ."" He tucks a $20 bill in the man's shirt pocket and says, ""Just tell your wife that it wasn't your fault, and it was some other guy who puked on you, but was nice enough to give you 20 bucks for your cleaning bill."" So the…

A banker dies and his wife is making his funeral arrangements. The funeral director notices that the husband died at work and came to him in a nicely pressed, gray suit. ""Well,"" he said to the wife, ""why don't we just keep him dressed like this, since he looks so nice?"" ""No way,"" she replied, ""He looked better in blue. I've been trying for years to get him to wear a blue suit, so now I can finally have my wish. I don't care what it costs, just find a blue suit for him and put it on the bi…