Alan Jokes

Hi Alan – It’s John from next door. I need to talk to you about something I am very ashamed of and know you will probably be quite angry about. The last 3 months we have been sharing your wife. Not every day, but at least 3 times a week and my girlfriend found out yesterday and is making me tell you. I didn’t want to tell you face to face so decide to message you. Sorry buddy. “Damn Straight it wont happen again” says Alan as he stares at the screen of his phone. With this, he goes to the bedr…

Got more like these ? 1. Neil arms weak. Neil joins gym. Neil does chin-ups. Neil Armstrong 2. William making fruit shake. William took pears. William put them in glass. William Shakespeare 3. Jimmy goes to restaurant. Jimmy sits down. Jimmy gets food. Jimmy Choo 4. Tony makes movie. Tony works hard. Tony earns fans. Tony Star k 5. Alan feels happy. Alan runs hard. Alan falls in gutter. Alan Reekman (Rickman) 6. Usain shit scared. Usain screams. Usain close doors. Usain Bolt. Got more lik…

three turtles Three tortoises, Mick, Alan and Les, decide to go on a picnic. So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "Ok Les Give me the bottle opener." "I didn't bring it," says Les. "I thought you packed it." Mick gets worried, He turns to Alan, "Did you bring the bottle opener??" Naturally Alan didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten…

The Misunderstanding Hi John, This is Alan next door. I am sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling in text as I can’t live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is, I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you. I haven’t been getting it at home rece…

Boy and his dad were driving home from the ice cream shop when the boy asks, 'Why is my sister called Teresa?" "It's because your mom loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter." "Oh. Thanks dad." "You're welcome Alan."

Son: Why is my sister called Teresa? **Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram** **Son: Thanks dad** **Dad: No problem Alan**

What do dyslexic gays love? Alan

Have you seen Alan Rickman's newest movie? He's billed as Alan Rickgamortis edit: Dievid Bowie does the music (read it like he would say it)

What did the funeral director do with Alan Turing's dead body? He encrypted it