One time dad asked what my five-year plan was, and I said "death or becoming a pirate king" and he threw my cat Alan at me

The Confession THE CONFESSION Hi Bob, This is Alan next door. I have a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I can't live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse,…

The neighbor's note > Hi John, > > This is Alan next door. I am sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling in text as I can't live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is, I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you. > > I haven't been getting …

Alan Rickman's grave was prepared many days ago... ... They've just been waiting for him to slither-in.