Mother: “Won’t it be nice when baby brother starts to talk?” Gary (rather jealous): “What does he want to talk for? He gets everything he wants by just crying!”

[arcade] KID: dad, some guy is hogging the claw machine DAD: hey buddy, why don't you give the kid a turn LOBSTER: BACK OFF WE'RE IN LOVE

As a kid, I didn't want to get caught misbehaving by my parents. Now I'm a parent. And I don`t want to get caught by my kids.

I never touch baby carrots because I'm afraid the mother will reject them.