Officer: have you been drinking? Me: no sir 0: you were swerving M: Twitter O: oh, I'm on Twitter what's your handle M: yes, I was drinking

I opened Twitter at a red light once, and when I looked up, a week had passed and I was sitting in police impound.

Twitter is the world's largest voluntary police lineup.

Detective: Where were you on the night- Me: Twitter Detective: Between the hour- Me: Twitter Detective: I wasn't fini- Me: Twitter