For Easter, I will hide pieces of IKEA furniture all over the house and then have my kid assemble it. If she succeeds, she gets chocolate.

I call McDonald's to make a reservation for Valentine's Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone

Accidentally bring the wrong kid home on Halloween once and now I have to listen to the same stupid story EVERY year.

CHRISTMAS TIP: When your kid starts asking questions about whether Santa is real, just tell him to shut up.