[hospital] "Did my dad make it, doctor?" Billy, your dad's in a better place now. [crying] "HE'S DEAD?" Haha no, he went to Disney World.

If you call & I don't answer, I'm not dead, I'm napping. - Things I have to say to my mom

If my dad were alive today he would say, "Mark stop telling people I'm dead"

If you encounter another Dad in the wild wearing a #1 Dad shirt, you must fight to the death. Disneyland has never been so fun