When I was a kid my family was so poor my parents were forced to give my imaginary friend up for adoption.

NEVER shake a baby. Unless you think it might have money in it.

Me: This is the year I'm going to save money. Also me: *googles, "how to purchase a baby elephant?"*

This kid at the Bar just told me Nickelback is a better band than Metallica.... Long story short....Send bail money...