If you call & I don't answer, I'm not dead, I'm napping. - Things I have to say to my mom

If my dad were alive today he would say, "Mark stop telling people I'm dead"

Ouija board just told me it's still waiting on a grandbaby and I was like lol Mom when did you die

"Daddy, am I going to die someday?" "No, you're the only immortal being in the entire world. Goodnight, stupid."