Chief cop: "This might be racially motivated." Ian: "Hate crime?" Chief cop: "We all hate crime, Ian. That's why we are cops."

Can't believe a woman would grow a life inside of her for 9 months and then name it Ian.

[3rd date] Kate: You wanna come back to mine for coffee? Ian: Sure! Kate: Have you got any condoms? Ian: Do you not know how to make coffee?

IAN: Why is that bear hanging out in the bar? ME: He's a well known, gimmick. IAN: Really? ME: That's Conan. Conan The Bar Bear, Ian.