[Me and a friend have movie night, order pizza and do some acid] Me: "Hell yeah" Friend: "Hell yeah" Pizza: "Oh hell yeah"

Every time someone tells you they are a vegan an angel eats a dog.

[God making trees] God: "They're alive but not. Every now & then they drop food." Angel: "I don't--" God: "Also they breathe the opposite."

The only food in Hell is the part of the popcorn kernel that gets stuck between your teeth. Also they have an Olive Garden.