As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft.

I miss the 80s, when you could hide an alien in your room for 3 days before mom found out and five kids on bikes could outsmart the police.

*police sirens* *Dad bursts into my room wearing a panda suit* QUICK HIDE THESE NO TIME TO EXPLAIN *throws a litter of panda cubs at me*

Apparently, "he's an army officer" isn't the correct response to "who's your daddy".