As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft.

I miss the 80s, when you could hide an alien in your room for 3 days before mom found out and five kids on bikes could outsmart the police.

[babies txting] "my dad's thumb just came off" lol wtf "wait its back on again nvm" ok lmao "he just stole my nose" im phoning the police

Apparently, "he's an army officer" isn't the correct response to "who's your daddy".