I'm not saying she's worse than my mom... But my wife doesn't seem to like any of my girlfriends.

Necessity is the mother of invention, and the wife of bill. Bill is the only one in the family with a normal name.

Wife: What did you get me for Mother's Day? 3-year-old: A cake. Wife: Where is it? 3: You haven't made it yet.

My mom told me today that she is surprised I don't have a cat. I told her I was surprised she has a husband.