HR: Did you tell Brenda she was stupid? Me: Oh god no! I said she is stupid. HR... Me: There's no past tense with that one.

THERAPIST: what's wrong? WIFE: he speaks in typos ME: EVERYTHING IS JUST FIND BRENDA! THERAPIST: ok maybe we should take 5 ME: food idea

McD's drive thru: Welcome back. Me: Welcome back? That's pretty presumptuous. MDT: ... M: ... MDT: The usual? Me: Yeah. Thanks Brenda.

Brenda from work unfollowed me on here so now I have to follow her around the office all day reading my tweets like a news broadcaster