When I die, I'm donating my body to Simons. I tell this to every Simon I meet. So far, they're not into it

[bedroom] Her: omg don't stop Me: what was that? Her: *sighs* Simon says don't stop

A friend of mine asked me how he could become a more effective boss... I said, just change your name to Simon.

Jesus dropped his cross for the 3rd time, and Simon of Cyrene said to him: ""Do you even lift bro?""