Ralph The Internal Revenue Service decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to an appointment with the toughest auditor in the office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney. The auditor says, ""Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."" ""I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,"" says Ralph. ""How about a demonstration?"" The audit…

A nervous young man goes to pick up his prom date at her house. As expected, his date is finishing getting ready upstairs. He sits in the living room waiting for her when her father and the family dog enter the room. The dad sits down across from the boy and looks him over thoughtfully. The young man begins feeling very uneasy, and his stomach starts to churn. His stomach starts to hurt so badly, he decides he has no choice but to let out a little fart to get some relief. He takes the plunge, an…

""I'm 29 years old today..."" ""I'm 29 years old today,"" said Ralph, setting a box of donuts on the table in the office. His coworkers all wished him a happy birthday. Next day, Ralph's secretary answers the phone... ""Hello, my name is Carl. I'm Ralph's brother in law, and I'd like to wish Ralph a happy birthday,"" says the man on the line. ""Birthday? You're a day late. He just told us yesterday he turned 29."" ""No,"" says Carl. ""He *was* 29 yesterday. *Today* he's 30."" (based on a true st…

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the…