tomorrow I am going to find the tomb of Ben Franklin and whisper stories of old and lusty ladies into his ear, as he would have wished it

The new $100 bills are insane. A purple stripe, the hologram thingy, the Ben Franklin that says "kill, kill, kill" as his eyes swirl...

My daughter told me I'm "slightly prettier than Ben Franklin," so I have that going for me.

Why does Kanye West need a billion dollars for ideas? Ben Franklin discovered electricity with a kite.