BEAR JUDGE: Counsel, this is your last warning, you cannot-- LAWYER: *plays dead* BEAR JUDGE: Where did he go

I killed a duck that had been bothering me recently. The judge charged me with murder most fowl.

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

"Uh-oh!" - My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog