[dog on trial for murder] lawyer: who's a good boy? dog: I am lawyer: your honor I rest my case

BEAR JUDGE: Counsel, this is your last warning, you cannot-- LAWYER: *plays dead* BEAR JUDGE: Where did he go

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

"Uh-oh!" - My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog