Before google, there were librarians. Here are some queries posed to the poor, suffering staff of public libraries: A woman wanted ""inspirational material on grass and lawns."" ""Who built the English Channel?"" ""Is there a full moon every night in Acapulco?"" ""Music suitable for a doll wedding to take place between a Shirley Temple doll and a teddy bear."" ""Can the New York Public Library recommend a good forger?""

Wife: [holding old dog] I thought you took care of this yesterday Stormtrooper husband: *looks out back to see gun marks all over the yard*

WIFE: get down here! ME: *from telephone wire* I'm with my friends WIFE: why are u wearing fake wings? ME: *to bird next to me* they're real

Txt from wife: where r u Me:kitchen Wife:can u feed cat M: I mean garage W:bring in laundry M:bathroom W:clean toilet M: Idaho W:get potatos